Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
