I think my vagina is haunted
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
