she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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