I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
