I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I see more hoeing in ur future
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize