They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
