Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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