ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
40s are totally the cure
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
