Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
