Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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