There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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