He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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