so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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