My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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