if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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