dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
