Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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