K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
