so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
