That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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