Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
is that a dick in a sweater?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
