I smell stomach acid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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