so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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