Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
