Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I forget how to act sober
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