I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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