My balls are so social today.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
