Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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