Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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