Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
