Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
