Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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