i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
