They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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