Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
