i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
