Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
