They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
