it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
