yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
