btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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