I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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