so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
