Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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