just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
