This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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