Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
