Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
