I want to walk on stilts...naked
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i came on her dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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