I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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