You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm like, not good at living.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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