I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
