Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
