You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
