he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
