My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
