you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
