her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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