it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
