I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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