so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
