first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
