I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
