Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
