also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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