Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
These tits shall not be calmed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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