So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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