Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
