btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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