guys are only as good as the porn they watch
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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