why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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