you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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