making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
