Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
