There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
