I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
