we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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