Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
