I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
