I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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